Well It's Finally Here......

Matt's flight at Lackland AFB Texas in 2005

Matt at graduation 2005

Matt and Elleigh (2yrs) when we finally got to see him!
2005

Well it is finally time for Matt to leave and start Officer Training School with the Air Force. It kind of crept up on me so I am not sure I am ready...... but ready or not he leaves this Monday the 12th. I have moments where I just want him to go and get it over with because the anticipation is killing me. Then I have moments when I want him to call the whole thing off! As if that would work. I guess I am just going to be in survival mode for the next five months. We have decided that it is a good thing that after 8 1/2 years of marriage, we still want to be together rather than apart. The sad thing is that we got married so that we could be TOGETHER! This time away will be hard but maybe we will be even stronger for it. I am worried about the girls. Last time that he left for this amount of time, Elleigh was 2 and Sophie was 6 weeks old. They were not as aware of the separation like they will be this time. The good thing about Matt as a dad is that he is really involved in their lives. He doesn't just come home from work and ignore them. He truly wants to spend as much time as he can with them and helps me so much.....especially when I have been working. The girls are very attached to their daddy and he to them. This will be much harder emotionally than last time. I just pray that I can be the strength they need right now.
As I think about Matt leaving, I am of course feeling many things. Scared, sad and very very anxious.......but most of all proud. I am so proud of him and what he is doing. I love telling people that he is going to be an Officer in the Air Force. I love this country and I am so grateful for our freedom. People really do take this country for granted and I feel so strongly that we need to do what we can to deserve this freedom. I am not saying that I agree with war...any war...in fact families in the military are the last ones who want wars. We are the ones with our husbands and wives deployed. However, I do believe that what Matt will be doing is a good thing and that he will enjoy what he does. It is going to offer us a lot of opportunities and benefits.
I just have to focus on the positive of it all and realize that if we can just get through this initial separation, then we will be moving on to great things. My heart just hurts right now thinking of him leaving. It's funny that you can feel a physical pain from love of a person. He is the love of my life and I have been blessed every day since I married him. Good luck to my sweetheart! He will be amazing like he always is.